Polterzeitgeist (Ruefle Imitation Poem)

Jesus was really an ancient astronaut

he crashed and traded his spacesuit for dinged rags

convinced a virgin that she gave birth to him

and started a cult with his dad, God

or Yahweh depending on who you talk to,

yet he can’t really walk on water, you know.

He floated above meadows

on the billows dripping from the exhausts of his hoverpack

and gave the sick Tylenol and Pepto Bismol

he also gave a gift to the blind man –

the gift of sight

by shaving off the whites of his cataracts

He made his disciples

drink his blood and eat his flesh

and some pissy Romans and misguided Jews found out

so he fled and left a clone to atone for his crimes

and went by the names

Horus and Mithras and Bob

and he grew a magnificent beard

and also knocked up his disciple Mary.

Jesus told me all about heaven

you can have sex with whoever

smoke whatever and

eat without getting fat

the air stinks of fabric softener and churros

money grows on trees and so does pizza!

Can you imagine that?

A whole sausage pizza, growing on a fucking tree

what more could you want?

-it was fun to imitate Ruefle's style and adopt her absurdity and oddness. I was pretty happy with the final product, so I'll likely try to incorporate more zany, off the wall thought processes into my poems now, like Ruefle does. 

Unanswered Question - Noelle Kocot

Unanswered Question

"I'm standing on so much wreckage
I think my legs will break," thought
Mary. Mary didn't want anyone
To know she was sad, so she acted
Pleasantly all the time. She had
The thousand-yard stare of a crack
Addict. People thought mean things
About her, like when she was a child
That she'd be barefoot and pregnant by
The age of thirteen, but Mary was
Not discouraged. Mary's whole
World was a giant string of deja vu.
When she met Roy Willbathe, Mary
Was as happy as a slice of snowy
Cheese. Roy looked like a vulnerable
Sheepdog in drag. Roy told her
Everything she wanted to hear, like,
"I eat my dirty business whole,"
And, "I will bathe...eventually."
Roy wouldn't marry Mary because
He said she was too loose. "But
I'm not loose at all, in fact I'm the
Opposite of loose." Roy smiled,
"See ya, kid." And Mary went back
To groping fruit in the market,
Pretending it was the body of a lover,
And eating disgusting things out
Of cans, while the birds chirped quietly
In the dawn outside her kitchen window
After she'd rubbed her wrists with
Scissors oh-so-quietly in the dark.

-Noelle Kocot (The Bigger World)

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Like the other poems in "The Bigger World," Noelle Kocot kicks off the poem with an inciting action involving a character, this one involving Mary who has become overwhelmed by the grief of losing her lover. Despite the underlying narrative being melancholy, the poem is hilarious and at times, absolutely absurd. Her lover's name is "Roy Willbathe," who promises that he one day "will bathe." Finding Roy apparently made her as happy as a molded piece of cheese, and her elders thought she would be "barefoot and pregnant" by age thirteen. Aside from these and other comical moments however, the poem's underlying, more serious theme returns during the conclusion and leaves the reader with a powerful ending, in which Mary gropes fruit like the body of a lover and "rubs" her wrists with scissors. Chilling, and quite haunting - the juxtaposition between humor and melancholy is awesome.

Middle School - Mary Ruefle

Middle School 

I went to Cesar Pavese Middle School.
The gymnasium was a chapel dedicated to loneliness
and no one played games.
There was a stained-glass window over the principal's desk
and innumerable birds flew against it
reciting Shelley with all their might,
but it was bulletproof, and besides,
our leaders were never immortal.
The classrooms were modeled after motel rooms,
replete with stains, and in remedial cases
saucers of milk on the floor for innumerable cats,
or kittens, depending on the time of year.
In them we were expected to examine ourselves and pass.
The principal himself once jumped off the roof
at noon, to show us school spirit.
Our mascot was Twist-Tie man.
Our team the Bitter Herbs.
Our club the Reconsiderers.
It was an honor to have gone,
though a tad strict in retrospect.
You have probably heard that we all became janitors,
sitting in basements next to boilers
reading cheap paperback books of Italian poetry,
and never sweep a thing.
Yet the world runs fine.

-Mary Ruefle (Trances of the Blast)

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In this poem, Ruefle describes her experiences at middle school...a very twisted middle school in which the principal jumps off the roof in a display of "school spirit" and where no one plays games in the gymnasium. Although this poem certainly has some dark portions in it (such as the somber ending or the principal leaping from the roof), it's crammed full of humorous lines and notions. After all, at Cesare Pavese, the club which Ruefle was proud to be part of were the "Reconsiderers," the school mascot is "Twist-Tie Man," and the classrooms resemble dilapidated motel rooms overrun with cats. While I'm sure Ruefle is in her own way addressing her middle school experience, the absurdity and cynicism transform the poem into a hilarious, surreal, and somehow downtrodden recollection of the past.