Polterzeitgeist (Ruefle Imitation Poem)

Jesus was really an ancient astronaut

he crashed and traded his spacesuit for dinged rags

convinced a virgin that she gave birth to him

and started a cult with his dad, God

or Yahweh depending on who you talk to,

yet he can’t really walk on water, you know.

He floated above meadows

on the billows dripping from the exhausts of his hoverpack

and gave the sick Tylenol and Pepto Bismol

he also gave a gift to the blind man –

the gift of sight

by shaving off the whites of his cataracts

He made his disciples

drink his blood and eat his flesh

and some pissy Romans and misguided Jews found out

so he fled and left a clone to atone for his crimes

and went by the names

Horus and Mithras and Bob

and he grew a magnificent beard

and also knocked up his disciple Mary.

Jesus told me all about heaven

you can have sex with whoever

smoke whatever and

eat without getting fat

the air stinks of fabric softener and churros

money grows on trees and so does pizza!

Can you imagine that?

A whole sausage pizza, growing on a fucking tree

what more could you want?

-it was fun to imitate Ruefle's style and adopt her absurdity and oddness. I was pretty happy with the final product, so I'll likely try to incorporate more zany, off the wall thought processes into my poems now, like Ruefle does.